the dream express

happy new year to myself

2012-01-03T23:33:00.004+08:00

Time brings promises and surprises at the beginning of days
While time wrecks my heart by the minutes at the end of days
Our love was the only reason left I strive for coming days
Yet somehow deep inside I realised how partially fulfilled were our days

Maybe this is what I've made out of my life
That I do no deserve to keep someone like her in my life
No matter how much I knew she was the only one ever in life
Only to wait now to know again what will become of my life

no one like you

2011-12-08T00:17:00.002+08:00

I have never met someone who loved me like you do.
I always try to love you more but ended up like loving myself more.
Yet you still chooses me in the end.
I do not know how many more times you will choose me.
I just hope there will be a time you don't have to choose anymore.
I just hope you can see I'm trying my very best to really be the one you truly deserved.

I know this is not the relationship you're looking.
I know I was the one that fallen in love with you first.
However much it hurts to know that you can't stop loving me now,
I know deep inside that you're a thousand times more hurt than what I felt from your words.

How many heartbreaks I have to give to really know the importance of your presence in my life.
How can I be so foolish all the time.
How many more times do I have to be alone to know that there will never gonna be someone like you.

Deep inside me, I know.
I really knew.
All my life.
All the people I met.

There is no one like you.
No one prettier than you is like you.
No one uglier than you is like you.

I hope one day, I'll be someone who doesn't break you heart like the ones before me.
I hope one day, you can truly feel that I can be someone like no other that you truly deserve.

I seldom had that feeling. But I do have a strong feeling that you truly deserve happiness.

Because there is no one like you.

feeling hurt is feeling love

2011-10-16T14:48:00.004+08:00

Sometimes you got to get hurt yourself to really know the damages you have done. Sometimes that's just how love tells you how deep your love has already grown.

Words has been thrown and pain has been gain

Tears has been flown and scars could still remain

Three months could seem nothing for anyone

But for me it means that you're the one

thank you for accepting me

2011-08-29T16:58:00.002+08:00

It has been mostly happy and lovely days for the past 45 days. It's not without tears and laughter. It wasn't as perfect and as smooth as it imagined to have been. But through this hardship, was the discovery of things that are more important then love and happiness itself.

The discovery of true acceptance. Suddenly love and happiness is not just something of from the honeymoon days. Suddenly love and happiness is becoming real and true for days to come. Suddenly someone loves me for being me; the not perfect real me.

Suddenly, love is so filling.

The greatest feeling at this moment of my life; the feeling of having you,

my Baby..

16 August 2011

2011-08-15T11:50:00.006+08:00

One month has passed subconsciously,

Because of our times we loved passionately,

We may forget that we're a team accidentally,

I hope my love still holds you indefinitely.

I remember we went starbucks for the first time,

2 straws and dark mocha frap for you every time,

Old Town enriched ice chocolate and Chatime Pearl Milk Tea for other times,

Just spending time with you are my greatest times.

Gastric and pms blues are your hardest days,

Rainy days and cuddling with me are your greatest days,

Hello Kitty and browsing Charles and Keith would definitely make your day,

The lack of size 36 a.k.a 5 just ruined your day.

Sometimes misunderstanding still happens,

Your worries of losing me still lingers as it happens,

One month together may not bring the best yet to happen,

Promise to remember this Nicole Baby that you're already the one best thing in my life that has shapen

I love you, wholeheartedly, deeply, from the bottom of my heart and soul.

From your hubby since 16 July 2011

the right love

2011-08-12T21:48:00.002+08:00

Loving someone you loved so deeply, it's not easy. Did I loved too much again?

because this time it's ME

2011-07-17T00:47:00.000+08:00

your past may haunt you
your future may frighten you
your worries may sadden you
but time will tell how much i love you

our past may be too fast
our future may not be a blast
our worries may not take a past
but time will tell how my love still last

i may not been in the past with you
and now that i'm in the future with you
your worries are no longer just with you
because this time it's ME loving you

sweet 16

2011-07-16T11:45:00.004+08:00

I hugged. I kissed. I now have her..

for days to come.

I will hold to my words, and remembered what I have told her.
My feelings are true and will be here for a long long time.

I have faith, and I'm so in love.

Thank you, for when days could get tough, I will always be blessed by your presence in the end.

16 July 2011.

i fell in love

2011-07-14T23:58:00.001+08:00

and I just confessed to her. She did not say much other than to go to sleep. What should I do now and tomorrow?

forgive and forget

2011-07-14T18:01:00.001+08:00

today i try to forget you

but memory stays like a glue

maybe it's not about erasing you

just trying to accept the new you

today i try to forgive you

but hurtful words will not undo

maybe because i just can't forget you

forgiving could be the only way i get over you

tomorrow i may chanced upon you

my heart could again be sliced through

maybe one day that will be the only clue

to finally know i can live without you

dugun dugun

2011-07-09T02:24:00.004+08:00

I'm missing her. I'm so fragile that I'm falling easily for someone again.
I wonder will this fade soon, or something for the next few months. Or the next few years.
Or maybe, for life.

It's coming back to me. That love feeling.

chui go eh sarang

2011-07-07T22:02:00.002+08:00

"Better to lead a bad life, than to have a good death"

-Dokko Jin

the whole package

2011-07-04T21:59:00.004+08:00

Lately I've been catching on another great Korean drama, The Greatest Love. The thing about people like me who has experienced what there is to be in love and out of love, just brings back the whole package again.

The sweetness, the bitterness, moments of uncertainties and memories that bleed tears. At my age, I just somehow know that love alone is never enough. Wooing and tempting one's heart is just not enough anymore.

How many first love do I need to go through to really find what I'm looking for.

For now, I can only just reminiscence that whole package to remember how it felt.

was it pride or was it duty

2011-06-25T11:46:00.004+08:00

It's not easy being a leader. Because after all, we're still someone in the middle where upper management would expect I keep everyone happy and managed and your team members would look up to you as someone to voice up.

But the thing is, sometimes both side seems to have their own version of story and you will kinda lost faith on who's the one that's screwing with me. But it could all also be a beautiful misunderstanding. I hope it's not the worst understanding that in the end I'd look like the fool.

Maybe I'm not a good leader. I just play defensive too fast. Maybe it's my pride overshadowing my duty.

another chance to live

2011-06-12T21:00:00.003+08:00

Today I almost died. It happen so fast that it seems to be first time in my life I'm not in control of my own life.

My car spun out of control for my silly mistake to go a wee bit faster than I suppose to be on a wet road.

Somehow my car came to a halt, with what's left of what I can grasp on I tried to find my way to go on. Lucky me it wasn't much of a busy road on a Sunday late noon, I manage to stop my car about 5-10 metres away from my sitting duck death spot.

As I got down from my car unharmed, I noticed my car's front two tyres being hit hard. One of it was gradually flattening itself out.

I managed to get hold of a friend that I have not met for quite some time. Lucky them to be around the corner that time to come to my rescue. I never knew if I had all the tools and that sufficiently aired spare tyre until today. And thank God for that.

I could have died today. Or worse, I could have killed someone today.

frustrating

2011-05-27T15:53:00.002+08:00

Making close friends in office can be great when all things go well. Factoring that the person is professional enough to manage work and pleasure. Factoring that the person manages the emotional level well.

But I guess it's not that perfect. I'm sick and tired of all this needless argument and then silent treatment. What the fuck?! Since when I have commitments like this.

So I wanna remind myself now, fuck it. No more close buddies in office. I'm tired of people bringing emotions into workplace. Because as it seems the emotionless me in working hours has start to feel distracted. What have I done and become?!

Why can't we all just focus on being happy like any other worthy friends. What's with the drama.

From Shenzen with Love

2011-05-17T15:28:00.001+08:00

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we can forget

2011-05-11T10:43:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, we're just so focused up on one thing that we tend to force ourselves and that person to be in love; to be in a relationship with one another that we tend to forget if we were really meant for one another to take that journey in life we wanted.

If we only knew what's desire and what's destiny.

most wanted

2011-03-24T21:29:00.001+08:00

While everyone is hyping and dreaming for an iPhone 4/5, iPad 2 or iWhatever,
camera geeks like us has been waiting for this.

The latest poor man Leica in town. The most hyped camera since last year.
The most sought after camera in the month of March 2011.

I know it doesn't matter anymore in a few weeks time, but am psyched to be the
first 6 in Malaysia to get hold of this:

Too bad the protective gears are not out until mid April in Malaysia.
Hopefully I'll be able to bring her back in one piece from my upcoming Cambodia trip.

accidentally being a part of something I shouldn't

2011-03-02T22:05:00.004+08:00

I think I have abused my life being single. Being single doesn't mean I have the power to befriend everyone and speak to them anyway I like it to be. It's not that simple anymore. I am so at guilt. As much as I did not expect it to happen I just can't be ignorant to assume it's totally not my fault.

I hope she can get through this. I hope she will not secretly hate me but I guess it's okie. I hope she choose to live and find a better life.

I have become the imaginary affair that my new found friend's boyfriend though I had with his girlfriend. And he's breaking and tearing her world apart because of this.

Maybe I should just get into a relationship soon again, then I don't have to be the reason for ruining anyone's life anymore.

UPDATE: OH MY GOD, They are fine. Oh boy oh boy. I really need to reflect on this incident a lot.

Miriam Yeung 楊千嬅 - Lover 愛人

2011-02-28T11:31:00.001+08:00

The Queen of Laughter

2011-02-19T00:27:00.002+08:00

As she dragged her bag away
I realised how empty it has begun
Her laughter which took my breath away
May never just be another one

I wished I could just take her away
Like how I used to have always done
If only I knew her way before today
Maybe she could have been the only one

I can only wonder how far she has moved away
Will there still be a little me or none
Maybe we'll meet again someday someway
Maybe her heart reacts or maybe it's done

goodbye

2011-02-18T22:10:00.002+08:00

And she has left the building. Not how I pictured it but she'll still be missed.

My Valentine

2011-02-14T21:43:00.002+08:00

Woo hoo. Almost forgotten about this purchase from Hong Kong and it arrived just in time as my Valentine present!

insane, we live; sane, we die

2011-02-12T01:04:00.002+08:00

Tonight, my dear friend called me. It was not the cheerful her. It was the silent her that leads to a tearful her.

She asked me why her ex treat her so nice and good during working hours as they work together. But after work, he became a different person. She couldn't understand how someone that has been through a lot together with her would treat her with such coolness.

It has been a year or maybe two my friend has cried over him. He is a jerk. He is an asshole for asking my friend to get a life and a boyfriend in exchange for asking how's he doing at night. He is her worst nightmare.

I can cry with her tonight. I can vent the anger with her tonight. But unfortunately reality is much harsher no matter how I sugar coat it. I just have to share my experience with her the reality that we all came to learn and hate and somehow just couldn't remember how it works when we needed to know it the most.

Actually it's not that hard to see the truth in all this. It's just like me and every adult in this world who works in an office with different people. There are colleagues we love and there are those we hate. But there is one certainty in most of us is that we would choose to be hypocrite when we smile to the people we hated and just want to get our work done harmoniously.

We just don't realise it but if you think really hard about it, I'm sure most of us do know how to fake a smile, fake a humble, fake sincerity just to get through the harsh reality which we spent most in office and its politics.

And when the clock hits 6, we're just gonna take our leave and be ourselves again. We meet real friends out of work. We're more opened up and true to our feelings when we're not at work. We would just scream someone away if we feel like it like we're suddenly promoted back to be the Captain of our own lives.

So back to her ex. It's apparent.
He doesn't like my friend. He probably hates her. And he obviously doesn't like the idea of her calling him anymore.

It's very easy to see the reality if you know why people can scold you and move on with their life. Like an unsatisfied customer cursing the waiter or the hotline operator. We all share one thing which is we just don't give a damn to people we don't find important anymore.

And that is the case of her ex with her. He don't really care how she feels anymore. It's after work and he wants to find his true happiness. It's all just strictly work and business. He played his role in office so now he just want to live his life.

So yes, he can be an asshole. So does all the random people in the street that we don't give a damn.

So why is she so coped up with questions on why someone doesn't treat her well?
Does it matter anymore even if we have a great history with someone?

I have a great history with my exes too. Does that mean I deserve the right to expect something from my exes?

Reality says no. And when you really moved on and lived your life, you don't really care either.

That's the problem with my friend. She never moved on. She's never really got up from where she fell when everyone else has already moved onward. I was at her position before so I knew. Nobody is gonna wait for you. Nobody is gonna tell you that you're left behind.

You just have to get up and get back into your life. Just like the people we hated moved on to live their life, we too should do that. Because only then everything doesn't matters anymore.

I hope she will soon recover from this and that her ex is just another stranger in the street that accidentally pushed her. It'll all be just a short uncomfortable incident with a forgettable face.

the truth

2011-02-03T04:10:00.002+08:00

"The truth can be a devastating one...

..but a lie can never be a blissful one..."

- Ji Woo, Fugitive - Plan B

too many things on my mind

2011-01-27T22:29:00.002+08:00

Sigh. Fallen sick again. I was like strong and healthy like a tiger this morning and then working in an office with bunch of not too feeling well people, I can't help but to feel the possibility of someone infecting me.

Worse to worse, I got a deadline to catch which is by Monday. But Monday is holiday for the company so the ideal boss deadline would be by Friday. Meaning tomorrow.

Staying back late daily this week to speed things up. Things look good so far, ahead of my planned speedy schedule. Hopefully things would be done before noon tomorrow. A lot of ideas on how to fix my work coming up keeping me awake and still feeling sick. I need to rest but I can't.

And then there's the boss tease of everyone getting bonus ranging 1 month to 2.5 months. I hope I fall into the latter category. Another thing in my mind that's keeping me up.

And then, there's always the people around me. I'm kinda confused lately on who are the people I should love and treasure. I just feel like I should stick to loving myself more.

But I do admit this year there are many changes in my office life. I found a bond with a few colleagues that I can finally be myself and laugh together. I had never felt this much fun lunching since many years ago being in the same company. I actually kinda miss any of them to actually leave my company one day.

I never had to worry or to actually felt this before over the years when people come and go. But as always there are cons to this kind of relationship in office. I never had to worry any gossip or bad news that goes pointing back to me because I'm always and mostly the invisible guy in office.

But as I start to open up and naturally being myself again able to share things without thinking twice, I tend to leak out many secrets that I shouldn't share. It has already happen twice that things I thought shouldn't be spreading out is being put out in the air by the person that I share to. I'm starting to have this feeling that people will begin to take me as someone not to be trusted since most of the source I tell out are things are only known by a few people. So it's quite easily to backtrack to me that I might be the one possibly spreading it.

I guess drama and politics can't be avoided once you start being expressive and being closer to your working mates.

But all in all, I never felt the fun that I find from friends to be found from office. My boss just mention something true, that the people you meet in office everyday every year are people you met more than your parents and friends. I guess, it's only natural we want to feel belong to this group of colleagues and be loved.

When you think about it, sometimes the people you thought loved you and talked to the most would still turn on you when they feel it's time to move on. So, I guess it doesn't really matter anymore. Reality will be harsh no matter how pure your heart and how persistent you want the world to be.

I guess we have to just adapt ourselves to accept the harshness, trying to pick out all the happiness we can find from all the drama, then only we start to care less of what future holds and really start to be happy at least for today.

I used to feel happy of the future I planned. But for all the sacrifice I thought I'll be doing for the future and that it turns out that it's not there anymore, I suddenly just remembered that many days of sacrifice I endured and paid off just doesn't and will never ever be converted to the happiness that could have been.. forever.

I really want to start making every day that have passed and today to be happy, to the fullest and live it like it was meant to be.

Now I hope my slight fever can recover abit by tomorrow so that I can join my colleagues for a big feast tomorrow.

How to be new this Chinese New Year

2011-01-17T23:08:00.007+08:00

New clothes!

King of G-Shock!

My very first Onitsuka Tiger, the Ultimate 81!

and lastly.. a new look?!?

Hopefully it will still be the same happy me that was 2010.

Wishing myself a Happy Chinese New Year :)

photography tragic

2011-01-13T00:22:00.003+08:00

Oh Noooo.....

The harddisk which stores all my photos decided to die!!!!!
I am trying to save as many photos as I can but sadly not all the important ones.

Damn you SEAGATE!! This is my 2nd SEAGATE harddisk that died sharing almost the same lifespan as my Western Digital harddisks!

Thank God for Facebook and Flickr.

photographing

2011-01-10T17:03:00.004+08:00

Photos doesn't always have to employ artistic thoughts or techniques to tell a story. It could be just a string of shots taken on happy moments that has came to past throughout our lives.

By looking back these photos, I realised that everyone does comes a long way, even in just a short few years. Whether we've grown bigger, flabbier, fashion wise and from there we kind of guessed the character of the person at the time.

It's like a story string all by itself of different moments of different times. But they all do share one thing though, the same smile and the happiness that was all worth living for and through.

But not many people do have this habit of having a string of photos linking them to different time, including myself. Given few years ago, if I were to die I probably might not have that latest photo to remember me by.

Hence, all this thoughts was also one of the motivation I have for photography. I could be taking pictures of people I see everyday and it might be quite a boredom thing to persist on. But when I think about it, I'm just photographing life, photographing the existence of people around me that also defines my happiness.

Actually living life is just like taking photos of happy moments. It doesn't have any specific rules on how to live a life better, it's just all about trying to remember how to smile and really be happy and glad that we're still alive and able to make a difference.

Is this love

2011-01-07T23:07:00.003+08:00

It's been quite some time that I keep thinking of someone while in all hope that I am able to drive home safe. I know I missed her suddenly and tremendously.

But, is this really love?

Or just another crush that will fade again.

Am I ready for this responsibility again, or would I ever be.

sick and tired

2010-12-20T11:16:00.003+08:00

I am so sick of people keep asking WHAT ABOUT ME?
Just sitting there refusing to do anything and keep asking WHAT ABOUT ME?

Why not just drop all the act and whatever girl guy rule bullshit and do something about it if you cared so much.

Or, just appreciate what you have now and MOVE ON.

win some lose some

2010-12-20T08:01:00.003+08:00

The people you dislike sometimes just achieve and accomplish things you wanted so much. It's like a way of life to remind you that everyone wins something. It's like we're always thinking of what we'd give just to be someone else.

And this would also be the time that forces us to be grateful if we're not whining already. It makes us counting those other great things we've achieved following the choices we made. But inside you yet there's this desire you wish you were perfect.

But we're not. I should be happy. I must learn how to drown myself in the happiness I have around me. Maybe that's what they mean when they really mean what's meant for me, is what's meant for me.

"If you were the original inventors of Facebook, you'd have invented Facebook." - Mark Z. (The Social Network)

phonekenstein

2010-12-16T23:58:00.002+08:00

Thanks to Google, I have revived my dad's Sony Ericsson C905 back to life for mum to use.

tempting heart

2010-12-14T22:10:00.003+08:00

I give in to temptations too easily. Sometimes too easily, I unconsciously fall deep in I can't get back out. I really need to start sleeping without someone in my mind.

Because hope is a dream that never sleeps

2010-11-29T21:53:00.003+08:00

Sometimes life becomes harder to live
Misery lengthens pain like it never sleeps
Yet we endured as though life has more to give
Because hope is a dream that never sleeps

Sometimes life becomes meaningless to live
Time moves slowly like it never sleeps
Yet destiny surprises like life has more to give
Because hope is a dream that never sleeps

Sometimes life becomes like the last day to live
Sad memories flashes like it never sleeps
Yet there are some happiness we just can't relieve
Because hope is a dream that never sleeps

-Inspired from a great korean drama: Bread, Love and Dreams

when dreams become reality

2010-11-18T23:32:00.003+08:00

It has been such a long time since my mind was so blown out from just watching a movie.
It has all the elements to keep you at your edge and have you stressed till the last minute.
There is sense of danger, sense of wow, sense of victory and then what the hell?

Hands down one of the best fiction of the year and maybe years to come:

Fantastic casting too, wouldn't want it anyway other.

buried

2010-11-17T18:55:00.002+08:00

This is my first time burying a life that has ended. It was physically and mentally hard. There were lots of mosquitos picking on me. Having coffee and not slept enough doesn't helped either.

Thank god I had a neighbour who is a gym instructor and also owns a "pet" cemetery behind our house.

I changed a lot from 17 years old till 27 years old.
But she remained the cheerful naughty her only to be limited these few days of her illness and age.

She had been barking and jumping out loud her whole life but these last few days. It was a sign and it just happened suddenly. She laid down with her eyes wide open.

No matter how I wish it wasn't, there's no denying she passed away while struggling.

As I carried her and buried her, I felt nothing creepy or digusted. I gave her a last few pat and closed her eyes, and did whatever I could for her to rest in peace.

Goodbye, Princess.

How come we all have to grow old and die.

When it's time to go

2010-11-17T16:56:00.001+08:00

I hope she did not struggled that much when she left.
I hope she was able to finally find her peace.
She has always been around no matter I'm happy or crying alone.
She will always be remembered.

My greatest buddy....

Take care and rest in peace.

It has been a meaningful journey in life with you being in it.

Princess
(2000 - 2010, 17 November, 4:30pm)

I'd like to dedicate this song to a friend

2010-11-14T03:29:00.001+08:00

You’ve got opinions, man
We’re all entitled to ‘em, but I never asked
So let me thank you for your time, and try not to waste anymore of mine
And get out of here fast

I hate to break it to you babe, but I’m not drowning
There’s no one here to save

Who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be?
Who died and made you king of anything?

someday

2010-11-12T00:18:00.000+08:00

Someday...

is like a code for "never"..

-Knight and Day

"Sweet Memories"

2010-11-08T23:59:00.004+08:00

My time stops everytime I recall her laughter expression.
Those moments of starting to get to know her became sweet memories.
Maybe I should have play it much more cooler.
This is a crush that I keep telling myself not to happen.

Yet, she keeps entering my mind now and then.
I do not know what decisions I would foolishly make again with my heart.
But for it to happen, I guess this year ain't so bad.
If she chose to return to where she came from..

Then it's destiny and probably this time I will.. let it go.

I will not let 2007 happen again.
No matter how deep it goes.

I've fell for curiosity.
I've fell for lust.
I've fell for pretty.

I would never in a million years thought that I would fell...
for her laughter.

the end justifies the means

2010-11-02T15:56:00.003+08:00

Wow, what has become of this world?

Since when cheating to win is something to be boasted about like he friggin deserved it?
And he has the heart to reply me, "Yea, if not how else?"

What about, friggin' WORK FOR IT? Either with brains or with brawns.

I think we're approaching a world where people can sleep over a lot of things in life as long as they're okie.

My OT suite

2010-10-30T23:41:00.001+08:00

This was the DIY bed that I use to cheat a few hours of sleep during that nightmare OT week I will never forget.

All alone, at a faraway place. Makes you appreciate life more outside of work.

the same songs

2010-10-25T17:46:00.002+08:00

Today I'm back at work at the main office where there are actually more than one colleagues. Today I also discovered that one of the new girl colleague started to play out songs from her PC.

And the shocking part is that most of the songs played are in my iPod and PC iTunes. Songs from Olivia Ong and Alicia Keys which I have also been looping lately due to long drive from a temporary faraway working place.

I'm used to hearing others broadcasting mainstream and top pop songs from Kate Perry and what not.

But damn, Olivia Ong and Alicia Keys? Whoa.

What are the chances? This is an instant crush and I would definitely go for her if not for various factors.

But either way, it's definitely a feel good for the day as you don't really chance upon people of the same taste at the same time.

beauty in everything

2010-10-23T23:58:00.005+08:00

There's a trend in photography where the mainstream is all about taking photos of already beautiful things.

Why not take the challenge of taking something less mainstream appeal and bring out the beauty with all your creativity and technical skills.

I think I would take pride in photos that my experience made the photo that provokes a beautiful feeling that everyone can relate to.

That is my photography mission.

the mother of all dramas

2010-10-18T23:22:00.002+08:00

Now I know what's the source of TVB dramas and all the unhappiness that is created in our real life,

and that's Misunderstanding.

It could be a beautiful misunderstanding,

or it could be a disastrous misunderstanding.

Maybe the moral of the gist is that, we should try our best to stay calm and be patient, hold that fire and give everyone a chance by evaluating longer.

Sometimes, it could be holding on to a fire for years. Is it worth it?

Well that depends on the number of days being happy when the truth finally reveals.

when projects go wrong

2010-10-13T22:45:00.003+08:00

Today's working day I started off my day at 5am till 5pm.

And Tomorrow's working day I started off 10pm earlier today and have no idea when I can complete and finally be back to take an actual rest.

And, the nightmare is just the beginning as I have to cancel off my Friday's leave and probably work till Sunday.

Ladies and gentleman, this is what happens when a project has 3 managers, 1 content developer and me the only programmer. 3 managers hoped for miracle, 1 content developer took an extra week to complete what was to be done last week and as for me:

I'm here making magic.

setting out to find yourself

2010-10-05T10:56:00.002+08:00

If you have been following my blog, it's obvious I show a lot of sensitivity or feelings and not that full of myself that I can't bring myself to enjoy a "chick flick".

It depends on how one expect from a chick flick, for me I usually expect these things that are bound to be packaged: Exotic and breathtaking scenery/places and love-able lead actresses.

Stories are usually very much the same hence it really depends on how much you can connect with the lead actress.

Some notable I can still remember and enjoyed was Bridget Jones Diaries, Letters to Juliet and the recent Eat.Pray.Love.

After watching the trailer, it somehow hit me that it's something that I wanted to go through too.

It's about a woman who has lost passion for all the things she had in a city life. Marriage and career. And with that, she can't forgive herself for not being able to share the passion of people she loved, she decided to set out and find passion and life again.

There is still some part of me being a family person, so what she did was a heroic thing in my dream. So I was able to catch an interested friend too to watch it on a nice Sunday.

There are so many things I like about the movie despite it could be a mediocre chick flick to some. Just like I mention earlier, when you can connect to the lead actress, you just got sucked in.

There is this line I like that goes something like this:

Sometimes when you set out to the world to help find yourself, somehow you always ended up helping tutti.

I truly share that sentiment that when you help someone else, you're also helping yourself.

I'm just not hardcore enough

2010-10-01T10:57:00.000+08:00

I've just ended a 4 year partnership last night.

After struggling and trying to put full commitment on it, I just gave up in the end. It was something to look forward for if my life with my ex still exists and if we were to buy car and house by 30. For now, it seems the fire in me is not burning strong anymore.

What's left of it is being used for the best of my own career, if it's anything to be proud of now.

I do not know how many people hate me today, but I want everyone to know I harbour no hate and wish you all the best.

to conceal lah

2010-09-29T13:54:00.001+08:00

A guy use CONCEALER?

HAR?

Bruno Mars - Just The Way You Are

2010-09-27T01:25:00.001+08:00

Totally hits the spot and something I wanna express:

what is cool

2010-09-23T18:17:00.004+08:00

The cult follower, or the one that pioneers.

It used to be cool when only a select few owns it. But when it starts to become like drones or look-alike-robots that every Tom Dick and Harry has it, I think the last laugh is on the person who started or created it.

You want my respect, show it that you own your style and choices. Not the style and choices owning you.

Do you remember the good old days where you actually buy a product that works as it should be?

Nowadays there is a certain company that creates a sexy product that is prone to scratches and instead we feel that this is a rip-off product we continue to contribute to the casing economy.

Are we trying to prove to businesses that we're actually now willing to buy clothings for our TV, our car, our refrigerator so long as your product is culturally cool?

Hey, this phone may look lousy, but I like the caption:

there is no forever anymore

2010-09-23T15:53:00.004+08:00

It always felt like the end of the world when the end reluctantly comes to you.

Like relationships, moving to a different place, and most importantly that meaning of life you have defined to achieve and has suddenly lost its' meaning.

Today I got to learn a bad news of a someone close to me having to face reality all alone again. As we progress further in age and in this new era of society, there is a certain something that has lost its' meaning to exist anymore.

And that is forever. Even that strong emotion of love is not a guaranteed forever. Suddenly, marriage has lost its meaning too. Since when we started to take everything as a trial. Since when we get to be so comfortable that we always can take the choice of just leaving things behind. Why is everything now is always about being selfish.

My mum could have left my father because of the things he done. Why did she chose to stay commited and make the best out of it.

Because there use to be a special thing in the past where it's call

Marriage and Forever.

What have we become today. Is the new iPhone released every year something that we have exchanged with the good in our culture? Are we soon adopting this new culture where whenever we felt that the old is incapable and unpopular that it's always alright to bail out and "upgrade"?

Are we sure that we're not blurring the lines of lusting of a new gadget the same as lusting for a new relationship?

Maybe I myself am starting to think how pointless forever is and starting to get lazy on actually starting a new relationship.

It's true, I admit. Even though the failure of my 3 previous relationship is not my real wish to be ended, somehow someway it has made me to think more of myself.

It's time to think about me. Just like everyone else who is starting to love themselves more, it's about time for me to be whatever I want to be.

last year this date

2010-09-13T17:52:00.002+08:00

Last year this date, it was the end of the world for me.
Before I was writing this entry, I was going through the photos that she uploaded to her Facebook of visiting HK with her new found love.

Given last year this time, I would have not been able to control my tears and emotion well. I don't feel much now as I'm seeing her moving on, but it just kinda put me on a lot of what ifs.

HK was a place we used to discuss to go together. Along with LA's Disneyland and Europe.

I wonder what life and what mindset I would have if today is still the dream I used to have and lead. Kind of missing those days now that I am so worked up on one person. Thinking of her, wondering how she coping by alone there; worrying of the decisions that I made today that might affect our future; etc.

It's funny now that this is not a burden I carry anymore, and imagining someone else and probably doing a better job than me now.

I'm having a mix feeling of good and bad.

Well, I always believe on things that has happened and that will be happening. I'm not regretting, just the type that likes to wonder a lot of possibilities.

At this stage of life, it has become less wishful thinking of finding someone to cope with. It kind of starts to become a little bit more selfish and hoping that it's someone else this time that finds me and cope to me instead.

Or the very least, someone I like that likes and respect who I am.

Being single now makes me getting used to being around myself a lot more with family and friends in between.

It's also a happy thing because I think I've reached a point in life where I'm really free from anyone's influences, parents or lovers.

It's got that really free feeling. Like you can do anything and nobody in the world would care but yourself.

I want to believe that this is good for me for now. Because if there are anymore selfish dreams lingering in me,

now is the time for it.

OneRepublic - Secrets

2010-08-10T18:22:00.001+08:00

One of the great things from The Sorceror's Apprentice:

Download:

FLV MP4 3GP

O M G

2010-08-05T13:27:00.002+08:00

Oh man, I just turned down an offer to lunch with two of the prettiest in office. What is wrong with me man. I hope I will be rewarded for being loyal to my lunch gang.

due to popular beliefs

2010-08-04T17:07:00.002+08:00

I just watched Sorceror's Apprentice last Sunday. And just as I suspected, there is the obligatory broom coming alive to clean up scene. Remember Mickey Mouse in Fantasia thing? That's the sorceror apprentice thing that suddenly became a movie.

And with this movie, it somehow trigger my thought when they went to Chinatown.
I am starting to realised almost all Chinatown in movies I've watched always have some parade or fiesta going on at night with dragon dancing and what not.

I've been to one Chinatown in my life and that's in Sydney. Nope, it's very much dark and quiet. There are only tasty egg tarts on sales. My friend is going to go LA soon and might drop by Chinatown, let's see if there's dragon dancing going on coincidentally.

I wonder if there's an Ang Moh Town going on somewhere where everyday is Xmas or kids dancing and singing to tunes from Glee.

王若琳 Joanna Wang - Tikiville（中文版）

2010-07-22T12:42:00.001+08:00

Luka

2010-07-21T15:12:00.001+08:00

thoughts in the air

2010-07-20T12:37:00.002+08:00

Watched a great movie last night, Up in the Air. It was from the director of Juno, which I personally find it less inspiring compared to this one.

Probably I can relate on some of the reality that the movie is trying to put on. It tells a lot on how someone who strongly believes in freedom in its less hassle approach on life;

ready to go anytime, ready to drop anything anytime, just to fulfill its own dream.

But reality hits him like a bitch in a way that in life, no matter how grand the dream is that when it's not shared, it's still you alone in the end.

Alone in the end where everyone else has already moved on or like how Alex told Ryan in the end that she's a "grown-up". It's just another way to tell him that he's living in a fantasy. An unsettled life. An unfulfilling life in the end no matter how many dreams he had achieved.

For me, this movie relates to me in some ways I believed. Where a companion is not about someone to die with you, it's someone to share life with you.

There was this tagline in a beer ad that speaks of this,

"Life greatest moments are moments that are shared"

Next movie to catch is another's of Jason Reitman, "Thank you for Smoking".
Hopefully it's as good.

chatting at work

2010-07-15T17:46:00.003+08:00

Bee Gees says (5:42 PM):
i could be found feedback on the sharepoint
u faham meh

Me says (5:42 PM):
i think dia nak kata
u could find my feedback in the sharepoint
or
i could be found in my feedback on the sharepoint

Me says (5:43 PM):
or
i have the capability and posibility to find feedback on the sharepoint
or i could be found................. pause...... Feedback on the sharepoint

Me says (5:44 PM):
or
i could be Mr.Found Feedback on the sharepoint

Me says (5:45 PM):
actually her original sentence is valid
sebab kalau org tanya dia
Where do you think you could be found feedbacking?
dia jawab
i could be found feedback on the sharepoint

Bee Gees says (5:45 PM):
no lor
wat she mean is
she cannot find the feedback on the sharepoint

Until it finds what it wants

2010-07-14T22:39:00.003+08:00

Sometimes it doesn't matter who you've been with but it's about who you've end up with.
The heart doesn't know what it wants until it finds what it wants.

- Pam Halpert, The Office Season 6, Ep 21

Ke-Lo-Seh

2010-07-03T23:50:00.002+08:00

There's a new guy to love and his name is Miroslav KLOSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Probably might not see him in next World Cup but hopefully to see him again in EURO!

Oh, and Mr.PEN is back in action!!

Double Yay!

the 2nd Call from Oly

2010-07-01T12:50:00.002+08:00

Today I decided to call the Oly centre. You know, just to celebrate the One-Week-After-The-First-Call. Not bad for the people on the other end of the line. Friendly, calm, and not confused.

Minutes later, the technician who called me last week called me again. As usual he shows his patience, understanding and enthusiasm to really found out the problem with my PEN. Unfortunately he is not able to experience what I experience. (I'm starting to think that my camera has a soul in it and not a very cooperative one)

But you know what, he is gonna just replace the LCD for the heck of it for FREE. Why not, I hope it will bring positive to it rather than degrade it.

He also mention that it should be ready by this week.

Thumbs up for them and oh yeah, they gonna be gaining this loyal customer here with such response.

Why am I so happy? Well, when you're used to calling tech support of any kind and the answer you always get is "We're on it, we're checking it, we're working on it", it kinds of make my day when there is actually someone on the other side of the line that shares the enthusiasm that actually thinks and expresses the same concern as you.

Let's now hope the schedule is as plan before I decided to revisit this blog post and delete it.

Oly Called!

2010-06-25T10:25:00.001+08:00

Yay! Finally they call me after almost a week of MIA.
Good news it's alive.
Bad news they couldn't see the problem I see.

PLEASE FIX SOMETHING AND FIND OUT ABOUT IT!

or just replace a new one.

My dearest Olympus PEN

2010-06-19T17:59:00.002+08:00

Last night my precious decided to stop show visual on the LCD display. No matter how I try to revive it still keen to stay dead on me.

So I have to deposit it to the nearest Olympus Store and wait for the good news.

Please come back to me by next week, I miss you so much already.

Don't give me a reason to replace you...........

the magic is gone

2010-06-18T09:45:00.004+08:00

Stayed up late and supported my that favourite team. I've seen them played worse before but with these new faces in France, it kinda suck even more. I stayed up with eyes wide open looking for a new magic to happen, new talent to amaze the world but it's not in any of them at the moment.

Ribbery is still very random performance guy albeit nice dribble sometimes almost to be able to replace Zidance but definitely long way more. Thierry Henry is like the only thing now that is worth remembering who the heck is France.

There is one more match, I hope the new France faces can replace the good old ones I loved since 1998.

Else, it's EURO CUP till we meet again.

hero to desire

2010-06-16T12:16:00.003+08:00

Boss just brought the latest HTC Desire to offer a change with my HTC Hero for office use.

Am I dreaming?

Photography Sunday

2010-06-14T10:33:00.002+08:00

I am lovin' my Photography Sunday. It has been happening for quite some time now because once every two weeks I need to fetch mum to my aunt's place at the city. From there, it's minutes away to all the nature's best in Kuala Lumpur.

It has been a great therapy walking alone; making my own path; taking my sweet time; hunting for a photo opportunity. I have been doing a lot of things that normally people will swift passby. Camping under a hot sun, waiting for the perfect moment and then to take a unique shot.

Photography has really put the fun in the virtue of patience.

Can't wait for my next trip.

ole ole ole ole

2010-06-11T12:26:00.002+08:00

World Cup fever is slightly hitting me. France footballistry fever could be the better word.
Coming Friday, all two of my eyes will be on France VS Uruguay.

I've got a feeling Henry will perform the legendary counter-attack sprint and score.

Viva la France!

so misunderstood

2010-06-04T16:51:00.002+08:00

I think I have never felt so misunderstood in such a long time. Some things I guess is just best to keep to yourself. As the moment you just say it out to someone, that someone might not get the point you're conveying.

Thus, the more explanation and observation going through the conversation, the more things are brought in and henceforth a bigger speculation than it needs to be ending up to be something overly serious which does not seem or need to be at the first place.

It doesn't help also as the misunderstood now involves another person.

So henceforth, I announce this as the "so misunderstood" scenario.

It's not good, as it starts to affect me and it makes me want to step back, take a deep breath, pretend whatever that I intended or felt in the first place is very wrong and I shall resume my normal life or whatever that's left of it.

Carry on, nothing to see here.

moving movies

2010-05-30T19:56:00.003+08:00

Watched two notable movies recently, Letters to Juliets in cinema and Book of Eli at home.

Both movies shared a similar theme of listening to your heart and go after your destiny.

Favourite quote from Book of Eli,

"Walk with faith not walk with sight"

it's the RM500 presentation again

2010-05-18T15:45:00.002+08:00

This weekend, I will be off with my work mates to Port Dickson to showdown on the annually organised fun-filled tech meeting again. Once again the top 3 prize money is up for grabs. My ego has triumph over me then and broke my 2 year champion standing record.

Now again I am back to drawing board preparing for a new topic to thrill my audience. The more I think and research about it I feel the excitement again with some confident boost. Hopefully it's not my ego leading me to big disappointment again but well,

THE GAME IS ON!

no more umbro

2010-05-17T21:02:00.003+08:00

I've been playing futsal weekly lately with my colleagues. We're preparing ourselves to have our asses being served on the upcoming tournament with clients. Just that this time at least we don't have to start learning futsal on actual tournament day, saving us a lot of embarrassment moment.

Come to think of it I skipped last year's tourney due to no practice being organised at all. So this year, the management kind of stepped up by sponsoring our weekly practice till June.

I was finally able to find reason for my 2 year old Umbro futsal shoes. It was bought to play for a few matches with my pal 2 years ago before he left to work in Singapore. Since then, it has been kept in cold and dust till now. It was looking shiny until 3 weeks of playing. It starts to peel off and starting to look like a Croc shoe candidate (due to the front part already showing some cleavage):

Of course the cleavage is not shown in photo due to censorship policy.

The peeling part in front is not just hurting the aesthetic of the shoe; everytime it contacts with the ball, I can feel my toe touching it like bare skin. And guess what, I think the total matches I have actually used this shoe is 10 or less throughout its lifespan.

Can you imagine it? I guess shoe used or not will age with time. So during the past weekend, I helped myself with a new pair of kicks with a lil bit of heavier investment. With this, I hope it will last longer and stand tougher, quoted as per the salesman.

But hey, looks cooler too:

This photo will be this shoe's greatest moment in life as I predict lots of foot stepping to be happening coming this Wednesday.

birthday holidays

2010-05-17T14:50:00.002+08:00

Wow, girls on their birthdays now are being brought for long holidays by their hubbies and boy boy. This is not right, spoiling the market.

next morning be early

2010-05-14T18:40:00.003+08:00

There was an attempt to translate a song that I like in terms of the melody and its lyrics
back in 28th September 2005. And now, after almost 5 years, this song strikes me again as an old favourite that just works no matter the billionth time of repeating in my playlist.

Today, I attempt again to translate what was being expressed in this song to this friend of mine, whom I hope that she will continue to believe what the future holds for her:

Thinking of what to follow up next morning,
Thinking of what things to safekeep next morning,
Thinking of what match best with bread next morning

There's also a shirt i have yet to try next morning
There's also tomorrow morning's paper I have yet to read

Though a plain morning, at least there are still some ideals

Sometimes I wonder why life today has not the things I deserved,
the people I have cherished just does not return the favor,
it only leads me to ponder what's there in my life that's considered happiness

and then I realised that waking up in the next morning is more than enough

No matter how much tears and dissatisfaction that was last night,
the next morning never fails to surprise me in many ways

As at the very least, there will always still be a gift
yet to be discovered, waiting for me

No matter how cold and hunger strikes me at night
it is still worth it to give my best to get through it

As there will always be an old song I'll miss

As there will always be a live basketball match I'll want to watch

It will be the strength to drive me on

Only when the sun rises tomorrow,

will I ever know how..

...will I be rewarded

the flat cap love

2010-05-10T00:21:00.001+08:00

Well, my love for flat cap starts from being inspired from a character in photography world.
As you know photography has taken a big chunk of my life, I started to look on great photographers
to get that continuous inspiration to shoot with passion.

There was this funny Hong Kie guy with great English ascent who has passion for photography just like me.
He is always seen with variations of flat cap while out in the city taking photos.

I use to only go with baseball caps but I think flat cap is the classy way to go with my age.

Researching more on flat caps, found out that Brad Pitt is also one flat cap lover when he's not making great movies.
That kind of boost my confidence that flat cap makes good match for my usual casual attire.

I do not know if my face pulls off with this kind of style, but I think nothing can stop me now.

Expect me to don my flat cap more often as I collect more.

going slow with the flow

2010-05-08T21:58:00.002+08:00

I think I kinda get it. I am really pushing myself too much.
I should not keep thinking of love. I should just take a step back and go with the flow.
Really, really by the flow.

Let nature, fate or whatever it is to take its' course.

I'm tired of thinking.

I need to really enjoy back my self-made great life.

taking the next exit

2010-05-04T18:20:00.004+08:00

I missed being single without worries.
I don't want to miss anybody.
I don't want to keep thinking of somebody.

I want to look forward to myself.
I don't want to worry if I screw up again.

I just want to be in good company, that is all.

i wanna pad

2010-04-30T10:50:00.003+08:00

Sei lor, my boss' iPad order for Research & Development-use has arrived in our office.
Played around abit and I think I'm sold, haha.

Now I feel like getting an iPad. When is Malaysia's Official iPad gonna sell here?!? This is definitely cool for photography work and e-book reading.

privileged

2010-04-28T12:24:00.004+08:00

40% stimulus package. I think I am seeing my green dragon. Please don't wake me up.

hope found me

2010-04-26T17:40:00.002+08:00

I was hoping to not love anymore
I was hoping to love myself even more
I was starting to believe no hope was left anymore
But hope found me, thinking of you ever more

I have that urge to give you more
I have that heart to love you even more
I am starting to believe that there could be one more
But truth found me, holding on just a little while more

how to join a new company and be an a-hole

2010-04-23T14:39:00.002+08:00

Yesterday's badminton match was cool. Until, someone decided to be an a-hole.
He's the new guy in the office and also first time joining us for a game.

Usually, people place their bags and stuff on the side bench. I don't have a special sports occassion bag so I have to use my favourite multi-purpose messenger bag to store my clothes and all. All the more reason I have to put it on the seat for cleanliness sake.

There are still some empty seats where this dude can sit. But oh no, he decided the place where my bag is will make a comfy back cushion. If he is a pretty girl who sweats perfume drops this scenario might not be that unbearable but..

Come on... !!

You're smelling shit and sweating shit and you just lean and press against my bag hard towards the wall, how comfortable am I suppose to feel?

I was nice and cool so I try to put some hints. I would everytime pretended I need the phone and tap his shoulder to let me recover my squeezed bag. I put back my phone and hoping he gets the idea that's someone's bag behind him and show some decency.

NO. He has to squashed it good again with his manly sweaty back.

What is wrong with this world. I have this ultra grudge on insensitive people. I mean come on, logically if you were to take a seat with someone's belongings behind you, you will just lean forward or whatsoever.

I pretended to get my phone a few times just to give him a bigger idea. No it did not work and I can't bear another minute more of my nice bag being treated like a cushion. I tap his shoulder, pull my bag down and place it on the floor. Yes, suddenly the floor seem to be much cleaner than this a-hole.

The best part is he don't feel a thing and continue to enjoy the seat with his big fat ass.

So now suddenly it was not me hinting him to be decent but instead it seem more like a hint that I'm the a-hole who occupies the seat of his liking.

OH DEAR GOD.

whatever happens in office stays in office

2010-04-22T23:44:00.002+08:00

Damn, I should have not open up to check my office email. I am so damn stressed out now. DAMN!

by the power of Apacs

2010-04-22T01:27:00.002+08:00

I've got a late birthday present from an old buddy!

It's an Apac Nano 9900 badminton racquet! I was like complaining my racquet sucks after having a taste of my colleague's ultra unbelievable light racquet that kinda gave me that tenfold strength increase feel.

I got it string yesterday and just collected it today. It's not super light but, hey, it feels better than my RM50 Jusco Yonex racquet.

Tomorrow will be the weekly office badminton showdown,

Let's see if my skill will increase tenfold.

my heart in your heart

2010-04-20T18:31:00.000+08:00

i place my trust within your trust
yet somehow it doesn't grow much
if only it is something more of a dust
then maybe life itself does not need much

i place my heart within your heart
yet somehow it doesn't strengthen much
if only i knew we were already apart
then maybe my fragile heart will stay untouch

i cannot replace what has been in placed
yet somehow it still hurts much
if only time can forward me with much haste
then i'll know tears today are a little too much

*inspired from a friend's quote, bored with work so..

tension is high

2010-04-20T11:16:00.003+08:00

Wow, now the project managers are quarreling among themselves in open air office space. Why can't we all be cute and innocent.

email blunder

2010-04-14T19:19:00.002+08:00

I had been receiving some confidential emails from my company's server provider. And it is still happening today since last week. I decided to be nice and I emailed him to let him know that he must have got the wrong person who shared my name.

His reply doesn't sound too appreciative with just some mere "noted" kind of style. Wow, I thought I just saved his life or job. Well it's okie; but then again, maybe I should have blackmailed him.

So folks, if you're those people who rely on those autocomplete function (you know when you type Jo for example and "joe@email.com" appears and you just press "Enter"), do beware!

It could just cost your job away as I still have those confidential emails with confidential reports of their clients.

different sides of a coin

2010-04-13T22:52:00.006+08:00

I had a talk again with my lost friend today. I realised we're very much alike when we can't let go of our loved one. The only difference is that, I am an ego person. I can make mistakes and be extremely lame but at least I will slap myself up and be someone I'm proud of myself again.

Just as Gallen Lo in a certain TVB drama would say, "We can lose everything but confidence should never be lost". It's very true as it echoes silently in my mind. When you have confidence back, everything will fall back into normal.

Of course confidence don't come in one night, it takes time to build up.

I think I'm starting to get the recovering from breaking up process. The suffering persist only if we never let or brave ourselves out of the old routine we're so used to with our loved ones. It doesn't help either when the loved one who left you moved on ahead before you. And when you realized time had past and you still can't let go, don't expect your ex to shower any hope.

Harsh as it is, recovering from a break up is really a kind of illness. The pain is certain. There's no two way about it. It's like toothache or stomachache, the pain will come. Yes, knowing your loved one had move on and then to know that he or she is with someone (could be the worst nightmare, maybe your best friend or your worst enemy) is the predicted pain to come.

Want to do something bout it? Hoping that getting back together with your ex or beg him to love you back ensures the prevention of pain?

No I guess not and that is the reality which shares the same anticipation of pain you will get when you're sick.

What I'm trying to point out is, we just have to bear it as a life process. It's part of life.

As much as I wanted to die when I broke up (my death wish is still somewhere in this blog), here I am unexpectedly. How do you know when you can't let go? It's when time passes slowly. But when you forget time and time bringing you so far ahead, that's when you truly know that you have let it go.

I hated my ex. But now I loved her. Loved her as in she truly cares for me even when we break up. Now as I listen to my friend being humiliated by her ex, I recalled now that my ex was so willingful to talk to me every night after breaking up. She was so stressed with work and yet have to put up with my antics. She showed patience and care when she doesn't have to. And with that, I am so grateful for it all and the experiences. I have to admit it helped me to move on quick. Otherwise this could be a bad management of breaking up and I will definitely lose a friend here.

Today, I can talk to her about anything. We even talk about her current relationship and how her boyfriend treated her. It's okie and I enjoyed this because it's like talking to a next-of-kin.

My life is promising and there is so many things I learned after breaking up. There's so many thing I want to do and want to plan. Like visit my father in New York, going on a holiday with someone I like, hanging out with old time buddy doing old school things again, continue my passion in photography, and maybe get a new car or so. But of course the most immediate thing that needed my attention was to file my tax.. gulp

I even applied for the US Lottery Visa last year and inside me I wish I will be selected.

I really want to go see the world.

funny how it ends

2010-04-12T21:35:00.006+08:00

Today just doesn't seem to be a great day.

Maybe it's Monday. Maybe it's all the accumulated "I'm Okay but I'm really Not".
Maybe it's the amount of work and miracles the boss is expecting.
Maybe it's just a day to get depress.

I've blogged the previous entry in office today so you know how the mood is swinging overall today. I have tons to do but I decided I'll call it a day for work and left office.

It was so bad that I needed something more than beer to sooth my feelings. I recalled a few pages I read from author, Michael Gates Gill latest book I read on Saturday at Borders while waiting for my friend.

In those pages I read it briefly talked about his first book. And that was enough to boggle my mind. I knew of this book long before. I always thought it was about some dude drinking coffee to save his life. But obviously I was wrong.

So I dropped by Borders again and hunt for that book. It was in "Self-Improvement" section and I guess this is what I needed to enlighten my trivial sorrows.

I hope it's a great read as I seldom buy books or truly complete them. Books I remembered completed reading are less than the fingers I have.

Just as I am to call it a night, suddenly a phone call. It was from a friend who was still looking cheerful and funny two days ago and on this afternoon.

She does not sound too good. She sounded she cried. And then she asked me, "Can I cry now?"

I am not ranting but in fact felt better in a way although I was in the sorrow position. I do not know about you but I seem to be good at forgetting that I am sad when someone is much more worse than me.

I hear her out and I try to share my experiences in overcoming it. Usually in situation like this I am suppose to be the good listener. But all who has spilled out their sorrows to me knows I talk just as much, if not more, than the person who wanted to express out.

I am so glad that she chose me to listen her out. I do not know if I helped her to get through the night, but she does helps to make me more alive and that I should also be strong to hang on.

I seldom talk to her throughout our 10-11 years of knowing each other. But when we do talk, we really talk with ease and with heart. I guess this is a good feeling and to know that I had such a wonderful encounter with such friend.

I can understand why fate hates me because I'm not that much of a nice person, but why does fate has to fool my dearest old friend here time and time again. I really hope she can get out of this deep hole soon.

You will not be alone, J. You will find your happiness J, because nobody else deserves it more than you do. And you're not stupid either, it's just that this world is full of wicked people that makes reality a much harder place to live.

funny when it happens

2010-04-12T15:06:00.003+08:00

Last Saturday I had the honor of being introduced to some great ladies, thanks to a long time friend who also actually introduced my previous ex to me.

I always thought that the best way to move on is to know and meet new people. So I was so keen and eager on knowing girls during the past few months. Well, funny that when it does happens, you just feel that this is getting old and does not feels the same anymore.

Something is wrong with me and my friend say that I'm not opening up myself. She is right, because as eager as I am to meet new people, it just does not feel comfortable to open up myself anymore. I am more interested to talk to people I know then to guess what ticks and fancy that new girl. I am closing myself while pretending that I want to know the world.

I should change, and I'm convincing myself that the reason I'm weird is due to being still in a process to find excitement in life. I do find excitement in life in this process, but it's not something that is shared with people I know. Yes I am alone on this; it doesn't matter as long as it is something to push me forward looking forward on days to come.

Maybe it's just this point of life and the effect that was impacted upon me, but I guess I'm okie with whatever I have now. I still got my college buddies and we'll be revisiting some of our old hobbies this weekend and days to come. I do not know if this will be good or bad; maybe it's time I look for someone who shares my passion than someone I just wanna love.

Thanks again to my that "friend" who wants to help me out from this eccentric-ness I'm getting into. I really just can't anymore at this point and being eccentric just helps me to be what I want to be without having to explain anymore. I am really tired of convincing people; I guess I just want to be on my own for now.

teelicious

2010-04-09T09:44:00.004+08:00

It was already getting hopeless and having my heart set that it might be lost somewhere around the world. I made an order on 17th Feb and it I was notified that it was shipped on 19th Feb. It was during the crazy USD10 sales that was definitely too hard to resist.

I specifically added in additional USD 10 or so for US Postal Priority which supposedly to deliver faster. One month later it was to no avail.

And one month later again they were having their 10th anniversary sale. USD10 for storewide tees even for the high profile design which was priced USD25 before this. Another motivation factor was that I got a USD10 off coupon from previous deal so, what the heck, I did it again and placed an order.

This time I opt for normal postage since Postal Priority from one month ago was no where to be seen.

Fast forward to 5th April, Monday, which was few days ago and no sign of any package. In between I have made some ebay purchases from US and it arrived, so that adds a little bit more of worries. So I emailed the customer service and got a reply to check with my local customs if items were being held.

I tried to call the number I googled and no one picked up the phone. Again I just move on and try to forget they ever exist.

Had a great 2 hour of badminton awesomeness last night. When I reached home, guess what?

THEY HAVE ARRIVED! Not 1 but 2 orders that were from 17 Feb and 18 March. This wasn't my first experience with online order but this was the only one that made me worried too much.

When hope seems fading and then it strikes you when you least expect it.

These tees are poisonous and addictive for someone like me who has always been fan of designer tees but just couldn't find the right taste of those available in Malaysia.

Not sure if this will make a good point of advice:

Fellow Malaysian enthusiasts, just go with normal postage will do and pray extremely hard!

making the best out of freedom

2010-04-06T12:13:00.007+08:00

I can be many kind of person. But when I'm all by myself without girlfriend supervision, I tend to be on the extreme way of living life. Living like there's no tomorrow.

Which means, I indulge myself and dedicate a bigger part of my life as a hobbyist than to be a reliable husband candidate. Many people may not understand why I'm on such destructive path of living, but I guess it might have to do with how one is brought up.

I came from a complicated background. My parents does not have good parenting skill. Many things I have to face myself and cheer myself up. I do not have what my friends have when I was young. Even in college, I don't have a car. Nor my parents will regularly fetch me anywhere. I walk a lot. I travel a lot. When people go from A to B, I got to go C - Z and then only B. After visiting Sydney and Hong Kong, I know Kuala Lumpur is really lacking a lot behind in infrastructure.

While people are getting bored with what they have and ever stopped to wonder how they got it so easily, I dreamed of such luxury.

Fast forward to now, I am starting to getting the things I wanted all this while. I guess I would call that I have finally reached a stage where I am capable to fund for what I always wanted. But still not quite able to fund for what a family or a promising couple would ever want, like a house or an MPV, but it's sufficient for today, in a way.

It's okie, but I guess it's a great feeling of accomplishment when you know what you have is something you have worked it out yourself. It just feels a lot more glory and appreciation from it when you know how many blood or sweat that has gone for it.

There has always been one thing that I wished to indulge in since oh-so-long ago. It's not a very justifiable hobby when you have a girlfriend or you're spending it on someone's money.

But it's a something-something that I always wished it was with me throughout my 26 years in life which I have witnessed many things, no doubt.

And that's photography. I know, everybody is getting into it but this is not something because people are getting into it now that I want to, but it's just something that's always at the back of my mind. It's like I "viewfind", "frame" and "composed" sceneries or objects all the time even without that capability to capture it.

I always believed in looking at things differently. It's a way of life not many people can comprehend and achieve. Just like photography, it's a way that makes us look onto something a second time. Look at it from a different angle. Look at things that usually eludes us in our mundane life. It captures everything even the kitchen sink.

And then to turn it into something interesting,

that's photography.

It brings new avenue at every turn and it has indeed put a purpose in me someway especially during this soul-searching time. I have learned a lot and truly enjoy this new passion. It could be work or a social tool for someone else but photography has been a very good therapy to me lately.

I do not know if the world would find me weird. Since there is a lot of alone time now, I think this can never be a better time for me to indulge and experience it and finally get in touch with nature.

I finally, truly get to see the beauty of this planet we're living in.

"just do what you got to do hachi"

2010-03-30T09:56:00.003+08:00

Source: link

Yesterday night I watched a movie based on a true story of a dog in Japan who shows unmatched loyalty. It was so touching they made a statue of Hachiko outside the Shibuya train station.

We are always used to stories of people feeling depressed of losing their favourite pet. But this story takes us on a new perspective of what if the pet's master never return to home one day?

I think I am getting some ideas of a perfect companion. I think I need to adopt a pet.

beings of love

2010-03-29T14:56:00.009+08:00

Funny how sometimes you just wished to be different and think different, yet what has been done is done and outliving the aftermath is quite an impossible task. It's much to the impossibility due to us being so guided by emotions.

Especially me.

Over the years, I have made very good friends and then shut them out when I thought I am onto the next step in life. Again and again throughout my life things just don't go as planned and dreamt and that I have to take a step back in life.

And when I do that, what used to be good old buddy turns out to already gone on a different life when I was out of the picture.

I hate to admit it, but I really do not have anyone that I wanna be attached to. Whenever there's something great or happy, I still just share with my exes now. It just shows that I have always placed my heart on a special someone that when they're really gone, I just do not have someone else that I would like to relate to. Or you can say, there isn't anyone that could be interested to know me.

There are people around me, not that I'm in a total alone state. But, I guess over the years I am starting to feel that I can't social anymore. It's not that interesting anymore because most of the time I feel more trouble and hassle than its worth.

All I need is someone. Just one person is all I'm asking for. Someone to company me to do the things I like to do without explaining and looking weird. And also for me to accompany her to do whatever she wants because that is a kind of happiness nobody would understand me.

What I am trying to express is that I can do whatever I want but still I would think of love. Still that emotion strongly affects me. Some people wants to be the center of the universe. But a person like me is just meant to love someone and provide that center of the universe to someone else. Because that is how I can derived my life, my happiness.

I had a crush again lately. Someone I used to have a crush. I do not know whether this is something that is going to fade itself away again or something will come out from this, but I guess that's the fun thing in life.

This blog entry is not written because I'm sad. It was inspired from a blog post of a friend who wrote how he cried and travel all the way to the north to relived his beloved memories. Somehow, it just reminds me that I'm of that being too.

Beings of love.

love did it again,
bringing tears to rain,
giving us much regret again,
if only, if only time remain

love came again,
making us all insane,
thinking what to do again,
if only, if only it ends all pain

attack of the balloons!

2010-03-21T01:28:00.004+08:00

Today I went to

because

and there were

surrounded with

It all began with

and things started to

and out comes

with his buddy

with his breakfast

and fiesty pet

and their ticket to

The End!

the last beer

2010-03-18T21:27:00.003+08:00

Finally a reason to drink that last beer can last night. I am and hope that I will finally be free from all what-if thoughts. It has been 7 months, and yet tears cannot evade me.

It is finally time to move on.

*obviously I still need to learn and explore more on my photography skills, give in time, I might start to turn this place a photoblog if the passion drives me further

best movie of 2009

2010-03-07T01:50:00.003+08:00

Ever wondered why the rich is always richer and the poor is always poorer?
How can 1% of the population has more wealth than the 99% of the remaining people combined?

And the best part of it all, that 1% of people got even richer during last year's "economy crisis"?

Do you know that companies can earn profit from your death? (Answer)

Some may argue with Michael Moore's biased story-telling, but this are no doubt in-your-face touching stories that you would have never cared or know.

"Sicko" opened my eyes on Universal Medical Care, but "Capitalism: A Love Story" showed how Harvard geniuses can be made to work for life contributing the rich to get richer.

No, it was not Avatar for me but Michael Moore's antics of trying to citizen arrest CEOs of banks at Wall Street.

Please do yourself a favor and watch:

my first korean drama experience

2010-01-26T23:31:00.002+08:00

I had this mindset that korean drama tend to be ultra dramatic. I was proven wrong with one of the latest series recommended from a friend.

IRIS!

Damn nice. As good as what I perceived Japanese drama. These people really know how to build up charismatic characters which you'll wanna watch them. Not to mention espionage storyline and beautiful location, definitely a killer series for me. The last drama series I remember featuring that many beautiful places was TVB's Triumph in the Skies.

Make me wanna go Budapest and Akita one day. Damn syok.

Can't wait to see more of Kim Tae Hee. Damn gorgeous.